Bribery is bad for health

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I am so guilty of bribing Lily to get her to do things. And there has only been one thing that has worked for bribing. That is the word "Happy Meal" Lily! I have tried all kinds of things to tempt her with. I have taken away her favorite things. But she really doesn't make the connection that I am taking away her favorite object because she won't get on the bus, or get out of bed so she can get ready to catch the bus. But when i say "Lily i will bring you home a happy meal from work. She jumps right up understanding what that means. I know what the Happy meals have done to her. They have added to her high cholesterol and her weight. I am literally making my daughter unhealthy to get her to listen to me. No, I have made my daughter unhealthy. And again, it is always my last resort to lay this bribe out there.

Lily dreams of Happy Meals, literally dreams of it! i have seen her making the sign for McDonalds (her own sign that she has made) in her sleep. She walks around from person to person saying, "up down, up down". hoping someone will give in to her begging for it. she has refused her meals and said, "no, up down, up down! She will go thru magazines and find the happy meal adds (and yes, they actually have adds in the parenting mags), she memorizes the pages. Just in case her verbal pleading is not heard she can pull out the magazine and show us the boy with the happy meal box! Yes, i feel guilty for having created this McDonalds nightmare! And my kids think I am terrible for what I have created!

And like most of the behavior problems I deal with, with Lily, it stems from me being too exhausted. My older children says I am just so Lazy when it comes to mothering Lily. But, this is coming from children who have had me as a stay at home mom most of their life. I was younger and full of creative energy for them. I was patient because i had the whole day to be patient. If they didn't want to get up or get on the bus I could reason with them and they could understand me. And being late for school did not make me late for work. My day revolved around them and them only. Not me trying to make a living for them. So yes, in a way they are right I am a lazy mom. But my Laziness is just from pure exhaustion and stress.

If I could be a stay at home mom for Lily I think things would of been so different for us all. She would be more active, i would have time to be more patient with her, and let her learn her own lessons. I am in such a rush most the time that I can't show her the consequence of certain behaviors. With patience and time I can usually out wait her bad behavior. But I don't have that. I am running around all day being physical in my job. When I get home I literally cant move. I will usually leave the caring for her including dinner for her dad to take care of. And by the time i am able to move and deal with her she doesn't really want me around because she has had her dad all evening. So, I definitely use that as an excuse for not dealing with her.

I know her bad behavior is from my bad behavior. If i was more plugged into her she could be more plugged into me. I felt so blessed that Lily didn't have heart problems that needed to be repaired when she was born. In fact, the cardiologist excused her from her care on 9-11 (that same day that we all know as the day Americans never felt safe again). As I left Lily's doctor appt yesterday where i was told her cholesterol is still out of control and has been that way for a steady 4 years. All i could think about was how lucky i had always felt about her not having heart surgery, but here I am helping to give her blocked artery's at age 9. At the rate we are going she will need surgery for her heart after all, all cuz i am using "HAPPY MEALS" as a behavior tool!